Tis the frickin season!

If you've read the last thing you know my current family situation. Last night was the first viewing.. I was fine until the damn priest wanted to say a prayer.. also I couldn't read the little card without crying. Well of the 2 hours I spend most of it with my cousin Britt and sisters standing and talking to my relatives. Oh how I love that awkward silence between you and family members who aren't that close..

Like my grandpaps brother Dan.. I've met him maybe 3 times, once at a family function, probably another at my grandpap's 75th birthday and then at my graduation party over the summer.. My grandpaps sister Betty Ann is the only one of my pap's brothers/sisters that knows anything about me. Anyways all of the relatives you never see except for the holidays or family functions and they all say the same thing: "Jennifer? Oh my god! I haven't seen you since you were this tall *holds out hand about waist high*" like huh.. really? I have no clue who you are, maybe you should be around more?

Tonight was the last viewing. Tomorrow's my paps funeral.. I say that but I cant get it to all process still. He's my grandpap, he lived with my family for a good 2+ years. I probably would have never learned to play hearts if it wasn't for my grandpap, we used to play either hearts or sequence almost every night. I spent most of the night with my cousin Laurens boyfriend Cory and my sister Beck. I was really glad to see my cousin Larry being there. When my Aunt Cindy, his mom, got divorced they moved in with my grandparents and he was basically a father to Larry because he was so little. He was up in Alaska visiting his actual dad and was supposed to be there til the 1st but, obviously, flew home early.

The end was the hardest.. We're only taking a few flowers from the viewing to the funeral since the church we're having it at is already decked in flowers from Christmas. And then it hit me that that was the last time I'd ever get to see my grandpap.. Everyone was collecting the other flower arrangements.. and the pictures.. my Aunt Pat and Aunt Natale were actually almost arguing over who would take home the two plants that were on either side of the casket.. Then my cousin Katie is going on how if no one wants the one arrangement of 15 roses that says Pappy well I could take it.. I just felt like screaming "HELLO!!! You're fighting over who gets the fucking plant while your grandpap / father in law or DAD is laying there!! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Then I was standing there probably looking like I got hit by a truck..and Cory was next to me with Lauren and I was playing with my necklace, it's a gold heart with diamonds around it, and he said something like "Oh that's pretty." It's the necklace my grandpap gave my almost grandma Helen.

Helen had a stroke a few years ago, and died. She lived in the community home Arrow Wood my grandpap was at before living in Arden Courts. After the stroke she was hospitalized. She was doing well and starting to regain her movements and speech again but then she suffered from another stroke. That time they had to put a feeding tube in and she didn't recover from it. Well.. Her daughter and son came up from Florida and I guess something happened and Helen wanted to be a DNR and never wanted any respirators or feeding tube. She told her daughter and son to go home and pulled out her own feeding tube. For as independent and vibrant as she was I understand why she did that, she was going to be stuck in that bed forever.. She is one of the nicest, strongest, and wisest woman I've known. My pappy asked her to marry him she said no but it was basically known that she and him were together so to speak. I love my grandma Elva <3 and I know if she ever thought that anyone was good enough for my pappy it'd have been Helen <3

My mum, sister, and I stayed later than everyone, basically because by that point I really did test if the mascara I had on was water proof..proving that it's actually not. I cant get the picture of it being my grandpap laying there in that casket. I'm not very religious, but I have to believe for as good of a life that man lived that there has to be something more after this life because he truly deserves it. It was hard walking out of that funeral home tonight, leaving him, but I know he's up there with Elva and Helen drinking a Manhattan with St. Peter playing poker.


RIP Edward James Cavanaugh 1.21.1931 - 12.23.2009